Tip 38 - Understanding Emotions
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognise and manage emotions - in yourself and other people. EI is increasingly being recognised as being at least as important as IQ for success in business, relationships and life in general.
In his best-selling 1995 book Emotional Intelligence, journalist, Daniel Goleman indicated that Self-awareness, ie knowing and labelling one's own emotions as one of the most important abilities to develop. Our bodies communicate with us to tell us and others what we need. The better our communication the better we feel. Emotions help us to establish our boundaries and have the potential to unite and connect us. They can serve as our inner moral and ethical compass and are essential for good decision making.
So, by learning to recognise, describe and label emotions at increasing levels of detail, we can differentiate more emotions and respond more appropriately – for ourselves and with others. But what is an emotion?
Buddha and the Abuse
It is said that on an occasion when the Buddha was teaching a group of people, he found himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abuse from a bystander, who was for some reason very angry.
The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage, and then the Buddha said to the group and to the stranger, "If someone gives a gift to another person, who then chooses to decline it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The giver or the person who refuses to accept the gift?"
"The giver," said the group after a little thought. "Any fool can see that," added the angry stranger.
"Then it follows, does it not," said the Buddha, "Whenever a person tries to abuse us, or to unload their anger on us, we can each choose to decline or to accept the abuse; whether to make it ours or not. By our personal response to the abuse from another, we can choose who owns and keeps the bad feelings."
author unknown
A Man and His Dog
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that his faithful dog had been dead for many years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. As he reached the wall, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch, and the street that led to the gate made from pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water? We have travelled far," the man said.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some iced water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveller asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment, remembering all the years this dog had remained loyal to him and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk he came to a plain dirt road, leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water? We have travelled far."
"Yes, sure, there's a tap over there." The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in and help yourself."
"How about my friend here?" the traveller gestured to his dog.
"There should be a bowl by the tap; he is welcome to share."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned tap with a bowl beside it. The traveller filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man, who was standing by the tree waiting for them.
"What do you call this place?" the traveller asked.
"This is heaven," was the answer.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveller said. "The man down the road said that was heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad that they use your name like that?"
"No. We're just happy that they screen out the folks who'd leave their best friends behind in exchange for material things."
author unknown
