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I hope you find it useful and interesting. With best regards, Dave Crisp

Contents

Welcome

Quote of the week

Tools & Tips

Humour/Story

Airplane Maintenance
 
According to the story, after every Qantas Airlines flight the pilots complete a 'gripe sheet' report, which conveys to the ground crew engineers any mechanical problems on the aircraft during the flight. The engineer reads the form, corrects the problem, then writes details of action taken on the lower section of the form for the pilot to review before the next flight. It is clear from the examples below that ground crew engineers have a keen sense of humour. These are supposedly real extracts from gripe forms completed by pilots with the solution responses by the engineers. Incidentally, Qantas has the best safety record of all the world's major airlines.

In the list below: 1. is the problem logged by the pilot, and 2 is the solution and action taken by the mechanics.

1. Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
2. Almost replaced left inside main tire.
 
1. Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
2. Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
 
1. Something loose in cockpit.
2. Something tightened in cockpit.
 
1. Dead bugs on windshield.
2. Live bugs on back-order.

1. Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
2. Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
 
1. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
2. Evidence removed.
 
1. DME volume unbelievably loud.
2. DME volume set to more believable level.
 
1. Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
2. That's what they're there for.

1. IFF inoperative.
2. IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

1. Suspected crack in windshield.
2. Suspect you're right.
 
1. Number 3 engine missing.
2. Engine found on right wing after brief search.
 
1. Aircraft handles funny.
2. Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
 
1. Target radar hums.
2. Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

1. Mouse in cockpit.
2. Cat installed.
 
1. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
2. Took hammer away from midget.
 
author unknown

Don't You Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill.
When funds are low and the debts are high.
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.
When care is pressing you down a bit.
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.
And you never can tell how close you are.
It may be near when it seems so far:
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
 
author unknown

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Humour/Poem: Airplane Maintenance / Don't You Quit