Crisp Coaching & Consultancy Ltd, Radnor House, 46 Radnor Road, Horfield, Bristol BS7 8QY Tel: 0844 567 6801 Company Registration Number 05379946
Tip 13 - Create success by changing relationship with time
Changing a relationship with time can be difficult on your own. Coaching can help with making any change you want. Click here to arrange an introductory session to find out more.
Why is it that some people seem to be late for meetings while others consistently arrive early? Have you noticed how some people find personal organisers useful, while others give up on them shortly after returning from the time-management course? The answers lie in how they relate to time.
There are two main ways of relating to time, called ‘In-time’ and ‘Through-time’. There is no right, wrong, good or bad about these, just difference, both patterns are useful in some contexts.
How do you recognise these ways of relating? The best way is to first examine your own thinking and behaviour patterns. Here is a very short questionnaire to help:
Please answer the following questions by allocating a total of five points for each one, using any of the following combinations:
How to Score:
Add up the A and B scores for each group of three questions. The total score for (A plus B) should add up to 15.
What does this mean
People process time in different ways. Some people just seem to know instinctively that they've got to stop the task in hand, and get moving. These are ‘through-time’ people who like to plan ahead and who can easily step back from events around them to assess what’s going on. These people are always on-time, if not early, for meetings etc. A disadvantage of this style is the tendency to be frequently distracted by the need to reference future events. In a meeting you will recognise this when a person is clock-watching or their eyes are roaming.
On the other hand there are ‘in-time’ people who get so immersed in what's going on that they completely lose track of time. They're in the moment so much that the passing of time often comes as a complete surprise. The advantage to this is that being fully ‘in the moment’ you will get their full attention on the matter in hand. A disadvantage is that they find it more difficult to plan, anticipate the length of a task, journey or event, and typically run late for just about everything - driving the people with a higher ‘through-time’ quotient to frustration.
The above description is based on patterns at extreme ends of each continuum. You will find that the more balanced you are on a continuum, say a score of between 6 and 9 on each side then the more flexibility you will have to operate from either end. Where you have a strong tendency for one end of the continuum, with a score of 10 or more you are likely to be less flexible and more fixed into that particular pattern.
The Through Time / In Time pattern is one example of what, in NLP, are called Meta Programmes. These are core traits that determine how someone is likely to approach or respond to a situation. These traits are like programs we run continually, mostly unconsciously, to guide our behaviour.
Many problems are created because people are unaware of the impact their Meta Programme preference is having on other people. Unconscious behaviours are not so easy to change – until we become aware of them and choose to change them.
Importantly, Meta Programmes are context specific, so a person may have two or even more different profiles - one for work, and one for home. You could be ‘Through-time’ at work and ‘In-time’ at home or on holiday.
Understanding Meta Programmes gives you insights into people's behaviour and motivation and:
· Helps create good relationships by appreciation of individual diversity
· Can provide new insights to the reason’s behind someone’s behaviour
· Can provide insights to some of the patterns that may be preventing someone from progressing in a certain direction
· Can provide clues to new ways to motivate people to take positive action
· Gives a deeper understanding of some of the dynamics behind personality clashes and other forms of conflict.
How to Change your Relationship with Time (Through Time / In Time)
After you have answered the questions in the profiler for yourself, or have done it with a colleague or friend. You can think about consequences. The key question to ask yourself is “Could my relationship with time be responsible for something I want to change?” If the answer is yes, you can learn how to change by doing more of the opposite thinking and behaviour. The goal is to become more balanced. The more options you have the better.
Further Reading
Probably the most accessible book on the subject is Words that Change Minds (1995) by Shelle Rose Charvet.