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Tip 21 – How to build resilience to attain more success
Resilience is the ability to suffer hardship and not falter. It is one of the most important determinants of whether we succeed or fail in achieving our goals. Resilience is needed in any change process to combat setbacks and challenges, particularly when changing our behaviour.
According to the article in Harvard Business Review (May 2002) ‘How Resilience Works’ there is evidence showing that resilience can be learned.
Resilient people possess three characteristics:
1. A staunch acceptance of reality: Resilient people have very down-to-earth views of those parts of reality that matter to survival. That's not to say optimism doesn't have a place: conjuring a sense of possibility can be a very powerful tool. But it is only when we are crystal clear about our reality that we can really deal with it. If we are trying to engage with what we imagine rather than what is, then we set ourselves up for failure.
2. A deep belief, combined with strongly held values, that life is meaningful: Resilient people make meaning out of their suffering and setbacks enabling them to build bridges from present-day hardships to a fuller, better constructed world. For example, Viktor Frankl in ‘Man's Search for Meaning’ (his account of life at Auschwitz) tells of finding a sense of purpose through, in part, imagining himself giving a lecture after the war on the psychology of the concentration camp.
3. An exceptional ability to improvise: Resilient people have the ability to make do with whatever is at hand and imagine possibilities where others give up. So they have more choices and are more resourceful.
One approach to increasing resilience is called the Progressive Abreactive Regression (PAR) process.
At its simplest, this model predicts that when a person attempts to significantly change their performance, they are likely to follow a roller coaster path to growth - alternatively progressing and then regressing. The approach to increasing resilience is then to explicitly stimulate and manage these progressions and regressions.
As an example (see diagram above) an initial self-commitment to a 15% increase in performance leads to regression with the thought “Is this actually possible and if so why hadn’t I thought of this myself?” (The ‘introspection’ reaction.)
Then a commitment to a 25% performance improvement leads to a deeper regression where the question is whether this new level of performance can be sustained and whether it was really a result of self efforts anyway.(The ‘fear of failure’ reaction.)
Then a commitment to performance improvements of more than 35% leads to a still deeper regression in which the ego’s existence is threatened (the ‘fear of success’ reaction) and where breakthrough will result in a new sense of identity and sustained higher levels of performance.
The key to managing these regressions lies in increased self-awareness. As the growth goal increases, awareness and self-consciousness must deepen in order to manage the regressive trends that occur. These trends include:
· moving beyond one’s illusions about oneself and one’s potential;
· moving beyond the defences that protect the self from the anxieties of growth;
· examining and resolving the ambivalence that prevents a total commitment to achieving one’s goals;
· embracing fears and terrors associated with failure and success including shame and abandonment; and,
· ultimately, discovering one’s will, which becomes an energy source that can fuel the activation and achievement of any goal.
For more on this approach see ‘From Couch to Corporation: Becoming a Successful Corporate Therapist’ by Iris Martin.
Here’s a great quote from Warren G. Bennis : “The leaders I met, whatever walk of life they were from, whatever institutions they were presiding over, always referred back to the same failure - something that happened to them that was personally difficult, even traumatic, something that made them feel that desperate sense of hitting bottom - as something they thought was almost a necessity. It's as if at that moment the iron entered their soul; that moment created the resilience that leaders need.”
The PAR process can instigate that sense of ‘hitting bottom’ in a controlled way, and enable the development of more resilience.
As this can be extremely difficult to pursue by yourself, a coach can help you become more resilient by assisting you with this process. This will include: finding the motivation to persevere in the face of difficulties, by helping you explore the point in prevailing (living a meaningful life); improving your chances of overcoming hardship by helping you see clearly what the problem is (a staunch acceptance of reality); and can help you find the resources to successfully deal with any problem (an exceptional ability to improvise).
A coach can aid you in this respect and in many other ways.
Click here to arrange an introductory session to find out more.
